My Immoral, Another My Immortal Commentary
by Hullo Picklebum
Summary: Yes, it is another My Immortal Commentary. Warning: reading this fanfic is like activating a machine that fires cement blocks at your forehead. Each time you hit the 'next chapter' button, the impact nearly knocks you fom your seat. Yet you keep pressing the button, mostly from the mistaken belief that the next cement block couldn't possibly hurt as much as the last one. Please R
1. Thingies and You-Know-Whats

Chapter 1.  
AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)** Har har.** 2 my gf (ew not in that way) **I wasn't thinking that.** raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! **Raven, I heartily apologise for any input you had in this travesty of a story. **Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! **Does she mean Justin Bieber?** MCR ROX!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **OKAAY.. **and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name)** Since when were babies born with hair?** with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears **Folks, I warn you, this will be the last correctly spelled sentence. **and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!) **No, I'm having waaaay to much fun!** I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie **INCEST!** I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen) **No, shit.** I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) **Funnily enough, I could tell! **and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.** Whore Outfit!** I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun **Wait, what?** which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. **You sound nice.**  
"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!**Dum, dum, duuuuummmm!**  
"What's up Draco?" I asked.  
"Nothing." he said shyly. **Draco? Shy? Bwahahahaha!**  
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **So that was pointless...**  
AN: IS it good? **Um, how about NO.** PLZ tell me fangz!**I get it 'coz ur goffik! Lolz... Not!**

Chapter 2.  
AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta!** She did a great job!** BTW preps stop flaming ma story okay!

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. **No. I was snowing OR raining. Which one?** I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. **Whaaat?!** My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. **Yeah, Ebony, you're totally Goffik, with your pink coffin and all!** I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on.I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.  
My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. **Introducing the amazing Willow! She flips her hair and wakes up with her eyes closed!** She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)  
"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.** Because Satanists always say "OMFG".**  
"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. **You have no blood. You're a vampire.**  
"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.  
"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.  
"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.  
"Hi." he said.  
"Hi." I replied flirtily. **Hang on, you just said you didn't like him? Oh yeah, I forgot! You're Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, Queen of Sluts and Totally Goffik.**  
"Guess what." he said.  
"What?" I asked.  
"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **Why? Just, why?**  
"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.  
"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.  
I gasped. **Really? I just punched you through my laptop!**

Chapter 3.  
AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! **She got good reviews? What were they smoking? **FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. **I've never heard of Good Chralotte.  
**  
On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. **You're going to a crowded, possibly quite muddy concert in a leather minidress and high-heeled boots? Slut. **I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. **Well, that was sudden.** I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding** You're a vampire, YOU DON'T BLEED **and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner.** Wouldn't that be a little heavy?** Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. **Shit, Sherlock!** I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert. ***Random mini ad-break* Do you want to go to a concert and stay up all night? Then drink blood, healthy, nutricious, and super-tasty! *And back to this travesty of a story!***  
I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). **I can think of zero boys that I know, who wouldn't be beaten up if they arrived anywhere like that!**  
"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. **But still using an exclamation mark! Totally!**  
"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz **Wow, he copied the Weasleys! **(the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs.** This shit gets more immoral by the second. "My Immoral" has a sort of ring to it!** When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.  
"You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
They're all so happy you've arrived  
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).  
"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. **A club? In Hogsmeade? I'm pretty sure I would have noticed if Harry moshed in one of the books.**  
Suddenly Draco looked sad. **I'm going to start counting all of these sudden mood swings.**  
"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.  
"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said. **Ebony, you're a slut. You'll fuck anyone.**  
"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. **Aaaannnd, Draco Malfoy is being protective. Totally.**  
"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **LMAO, her blonde ****_face?_**  
The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer ***sings*** **So immoral, My Immoral! **and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… **The suspense is killing me.** the Forbidden Forest!

Chapter 4.  
AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY **I thought it was Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, Immortal Slut. **nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok! **I think my autocorrect and your Spell Check are going to team up and kill you in your sleep.**  
"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"  
Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.  
"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.  
"Ebony?" he asked.  
"What?" I snapped.  
Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts)**?** which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **That's three random mood swings in less than 100 words. Take your bi-polar meds Enoby!  
**And then… suddenly just as I **Just as you, what? Slit your wrists? Had a mood swing? **Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. **You made out keenly? **He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. **That's it, you're going to hell.**  
"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….  
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"  
It was….Dumbledore! **Don't worry folks, Dumbledore doesn't usually swear, I'm sure he just had a headache.**

Chapter 5.

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache **Called it. **ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! **Empty threat, this shit goes on for practically 50 chapters.**

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted.

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face.** I think you may need to see a doctor about that.** Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagal. **I will use that in everyday life.**

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" **Yay.**

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **Yes, that is right. If you have sex at Hogwarts and get caught but swear you love each other, the teachers just let you go. Even if they have a headache.**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. **They totally sound like pajamas.** When I came out….

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, **Why?** even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. **Without putting his thingie in your you-know-what.**


	2. Ridiculous Dimwits and Cheaters

Chapter 6.

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! **Lies.**

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. **No one cares.** I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple. **That sounds more Emo than Goth to me.**

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, **Yummy... **and a glass of red blood.Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top. **Oooo, Enoby has Whore Outfit rage now!**

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. ***Coughs* PMS *Coughs*.** I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. **So you regret it because you think he's hot. Shallow…** He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. **Nooooooooooo! Harry! She's killed you! **He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. **OMFG! NOOOO!** He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **Um, Enoby, you're the one talking about girl-erections.**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned. **Harry, right? **

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled. **NOOOOOOOOOOOO! How can you do this to him?! If I ever find you, Tara… And why is he grumbling?**

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. **Yeah, hee- hee. I'm a Harry Potter vampire. *sobs***

"Well, I'm a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered. **Why is he whimpering?**

"Yeah." I roared. **Enoby Lion Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way!**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. **It's sex.**

Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life **Ooh, this one gets title.**

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws.** Good Reviews? The Hell?** n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons!** "God vons"? She's turned into a Christian German.** STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! **Oooo! I'm terrified! **Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! **She has devil nits? Eeeww!** n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake! **I thought you were a 'satanits'?**

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish** Random.** as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings "**Satanist sings"?** on my nails in red nail polish** You said you were wearing black nail varnish! I'm confused…** (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?) **Yes**. I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. **AND THE AWARD FOR MOST CONCEITED GOES TO…Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way!** Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…

We started frenching passively **You Frenched passively? **and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. ***sighs*** He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra E**eeeewww! Sweaty boobies! **and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. **Called it. **(c is dat stupid?) **Yes. **

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire! **How the hell did you miss it the first 5 times you saw him naked?**

I was so angry.

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much. **Really? What's 2 + 2?**

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **Harsh! Anyway, I don't think that you used protection, so if he has AIDs, you have AIDs.**

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. **ROFL!** I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled. **THE HELL? I unleashed the power of CAPSLOCK!**

Chapter 8.

AN: stop flassing. **Did you just tell me to stop flossing? Shan't. I like my Pearly Whites to be Pearly White. **ok! if u do de prep!

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back. **Say what?!**

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly.

My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. **How do you smile understatedly? **She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on.** B'loody Mary and Willow can both flip their hair with their eyes closed apparently. And how did she know that you were there to smile at you before?** She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. **I hate you, Tara.** She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. )

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" **New favourite insult!** Snape demeaned **He demeaned? **angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him. **Okay, Enoby. Pipe the fuck down! Don't jump to conclusions. **Everyone gasped.

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony)** WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? **for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. **Ohhhh, this is Malfoy's POV! She could have warned us.** We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.) **Everyone is "Goffik" in your sick and twisted world, no one is a prep, so what you are saying makes no logical sense.**

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room** Whose POV is this?** and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility **LMFAO, that means maniless, Tara.** to Draco and then I started to bust **And "bust" is used to say breasts.** into tears.

Chapter 9.

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! **I'm surprised that your three braincells teamed up to read ANY of the books. **dis is frum da movie** I think I missed that one.** ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! **Nobody cares.** and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX!

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. **Who said he was cheating on you? Give me evidence! **I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose **So you said. **(basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was… Voldemort! **No, shit, Sherlock!**

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away. **Well done Tara! That's a real spell!**

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. **But that isn't.** Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. **I would scream if someone randomly threw a cat at me, too.** I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" **Why is he speaking like Shakespeare?**

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden.** WHO IS HE?!** I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **It took you nearly two chapters to figure that out. **

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.

Voldemort gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!"

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. **Thank you Voldemort!** "I hath telekinesis." **Sooo, he can move things with his mind?** he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!" **Voldemort just told you to kill him, and you're like; "Hi!"**

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) **It's been eight chapters, we get it, you're Goffik!** between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

"Are you okay?" I asked. **You're meant to be killing him! He's not okay, okay?**

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. **You walked back while making out?**


	3. Bad English and Reincarnation

**I'm sorry people! I always forget my disclaimers:**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter; Draco Malfoy would have turned good. If I owned my immortal, it wouldn't exist.**

Chapter 10.

AN: stup it u gay fags if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok!** Repeat that in English?**

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666.**That's ****_totally _****original, Tara.** I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. **You would; you're a Mary-Sue. **People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. **Are these the same crack heads that said you look like Amy Lee?** The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.)** One word: GRRR.** and Hargrid. Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) **I'm holding you to that.** or a steak **Well done or medium-rare?**) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt.** Slut.** You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. **Really? Pardon me for not believing a fucking word you say!**

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily.** She's only trying to help, for fuck's sake, take your meds!** And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! **I thought his name was 'Vampire.' **But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears.  
Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. **A wall that just randomly appeared in the middle of your band practise. I hope it landed on your foot.**

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?) **Yes.**

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.

We practiced for one more hour **Even though your boyfriend just ran out crying. Insensitive b*tch!**. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.** His eyes set on fire when he has a headache?**

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y)**Again, please translate into English.** "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists. **YOU SAID HE COULDN'T DIE FROM SLITTING HIS WRISTS! MAKE YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN MIND UP! (Lol, I quoted Dumbledore)**

Chapter 11.

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! **WRITE ENGLISH YOU MEDIOCRE DUNCE!** sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!** Whatever she does, she should be fired.**

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off **I'm surprised that you have friends.** and I ran to my room crying myself. Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way. **All the teachers in your story are pervs, why is Dumbledore different?**

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood **Are you sure you don't need to see a doctor about that? **and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak **Yummy! **and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide **You tried to stab yourself with a steak? Was it overdone?**. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly, I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. **We don't care! **I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap**, Crackle, Pop!** was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating **he was chewing the camera?** to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks.

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. **Whaaat?! **Suddenly Vampire ran in.

"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. **He's secretly a girl…? **I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion **Dat's a lotta bullets.** times and they both started screaming and the camera broke** I think that they would be dead**. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk. **That was an anti-climax.**

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!" **No, he's a teacher.**

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" **That sentence is so wrong, I don't know where to start.**

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors."

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly. **You lost me at: "Hi, my name is Ebony Dark'ness… etc etc"**

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. **I thought he chewed it up and then died….am I missing something?** "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!"

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. **He did what, now, please?! **

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." **You love her? Everyone seems too, despite her horrible personality. **Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. **_What?_**

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.

"Because I LOVE HER!" **Called it.**

Chapter 12.

AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat **What school do you go to?** I wunted 2 adres da ishu!** USE ENGLISH! I have Voldemort's 'dude-ur-so-retarded' look on my face now.** how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok!** That's okay, I always thought that Cedric was a bit self-satisfied, he can fuck Enoby.**

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him.** When did that happen? **He had told me to use it valiantly **OMG. She correctly used that word!** against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid **AAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH! Using proper English doesn't hurt, Enoby.** but it was Vampire. He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" **I though his scar was gone. **and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **I can't even. I just can't.**

I stopped. "How did u know?"

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!"

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. **Efgjbnyfkytewsasxfhipo;; See that? That was me hitting my head on my laptop.**

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!"** Newsflash! Draco's dead. Go buy him some black roses or something. **

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. Snap and Loopin and HAHRID** who?** were there too. They were going to St. Mango's **Hahahahaha…ha…haa. **after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. **And by hot girls, you mean you?** Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera **Give the camera a laxative or something.** they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them. **You really are a charmer, aren't you?**

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses. **He's in love with you?**

"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, **Your coffin and half your clothes are pink!** and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik.

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses." **They are goth-eating cannibal flowers from the cliffs of somwhereville.**

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses. **For fuck's sake! TAKE YOUR FUCKING MEDS AND LEARN ENGLISH YOU FUCKING PREP!**

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong)**Yep.** to it he added silently.

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly.

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! **Why? **

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely. **On what planet was that wise?**

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!" **Ando youro a-o fuckingo idioto. (that actually sounds quite good!)**

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn't a prep. **And I can count to three…**

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?" **Pushing up the daisys.**

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?" **Most sensei people LEARN ENGLISH before imparting their pearls of wisdom.**

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back. **I'm not sure whether that was a joke or she's actually serious.**

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!"

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. **Poor Billy Joe Armstrong.** I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) **Why the hell would you want to look like a murdered little girl form a movie that came out a decade ago?** and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss.

"You look kawai, girl." **Give me two seconds and I'll type that in to Google translate… Google Translate's got nothing. **B'loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit) **I get it; you're a goff! **you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood.** Ewww…** I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. I went to some classes. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. **That makes it sound like he just walked up to a Hufflepuff and went: "could I possibly trouble you for some blood?" and the Hufflepuff was like: "Sure, whatever." But maybe that's just me.**

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way.

We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other.** WHAT!? NOOOO! SHE BROKE MY MIND! I CANNOT EVEN COMPREHEND THIS ATROCITY! **

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else. **Bad students, no humping in public!**

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. **It wasn't exactly one sided.** "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily. **He's dead Enoby, move on.**

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **I think that this already happened but I'm not going to re-read this to check.**

"NO!" I ran up closer.

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!" **Yep, we're in reruns.**

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I **Random!**

Chapter 13.

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! **Okay, that was NOT English. LEARN IT FOR FUCK'S SAKE YOU RETARD! **PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG!

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared.

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" we both yelled. Dumbledore came there. **So, he randomly had an orgasm?**

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily. **Mediocre dunces, horny simpletons, ridiculous dimwits and now despicable snobs! Why do I get the feeling that her English teacher comes up with these?**

"Volsemort has Draco!" we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice.

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged. **He's dead! D-E-A-D!**

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco** Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!** Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony." he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." then he walked away. Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!) **That is insulting to all my gay friends.**

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed. **Sadly, it disappeared. So Draco is staying dead.**

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then… suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair! **He has a lair?**

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra!"  
It was….. Voldemort! **I apologise to any Muslims reading this.**

Chapter 14.

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. **Spell check is going to kill you in your sleep.** PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws! **Again, empty threat.**

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD. **She just asked her viewers to shit. I can't hold it any longer; BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHA!**

We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there.**This makes no logical sense.** Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. **Voldemort killed Cedric. **Draco was there crying tears of blood. **Just go to A&E. And pick up your meds while you're there.** Snaketail was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail.

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes.**He's in love with her too?** "." he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok)

"Huh?" I asked.  
"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" **Whoa, whoa, whoa! Back up a minute. In the words of my obnoxious little brother: "Dude, two words: 'eww' and 'dafuq?'"** asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly. **But you killed him!?**

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. **The return of Shakespearian Voldemort! **Then… he started coming!** Another random orgasm.** We could hear his high heels clacking to us** Haha! Voldy's a trannie!**. So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying.

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. **But he's dead!** He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah)** My IQ just dropped some more.** and a really huge you-know-what and everything.

"Its so unfair!" I yielded. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything." **What about Raven/Willow? Are you insinuating that your so-called best friend is ugly?**

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." answered Draco. **Do you ****_know _****what your little girlfriend did while you were dead?**

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" **Cause that's totally relatable!** I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) **She's a slut.**"Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away. **I'm playing my imaginary violin and weeping, not.**


End file.
